I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think i have two assholes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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