so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
