My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i've created a new STD.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
