oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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