so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You smell like stripper and shame
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
