is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
PANTIES FOUND
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
