She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
