I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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