youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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