just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
