Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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