people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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