we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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