I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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