You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
