I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
