good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
