So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
