Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
