I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
