I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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