I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
