omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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