I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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