No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
