so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
