I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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