He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
