five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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