how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
