dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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