Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
