saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
