I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
