Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
