i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
