I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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