After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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