the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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