Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
