Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
