hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
