Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
