he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
