I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
