My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
