Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
