I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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