my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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