I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
