Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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