Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
