sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
