Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
