Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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